Matching and Mirroring in the family of Rapport also includes sounds – namely Voice Matching.
We’ve already looked at the notion of matching and mirroring the physiology in rapport from the last blog, yet if you are on the telephone you don’t have the advantage of seeing your clients body so all you have is voice matching.
The following manuscript was taken from a live training, so may not be grammatically perfect…..
“The thing about mirroring is, you really would, if you mirrored somebody
and you did it perfectly, they would start to think that they’re you. It’s
that deep a connection. We even had these guys here forgetting whose names
were whose. They literally forgot who was who.
“The feedback sandwich was terrific. I really felt like he said Oh you’ve
done really well, it just felt great that I’d done so well.”
So we’re going to ask you to start to be conscious about the feedback
sandwich during the course and we’ll look at words a little bit later on in
the training. Words like ‘but’, you know, they actually change your
perception inside. So avoid words like ‘but’. If you say “Yeah, that was a
great job, but…” that ruins what you’ve just said. It dumps what you’ve
just said in the first place.
What you did was good, and now I’d like you to increase the volume
slightly. Overall that was really good.
So this is more conscious use of language.
So how do you use rapport on the phone?
Match the first word, like “Hello”.
And then the groups and clumps of words that they use. So some people have
got specific clumps of words that they’ll use, and just feed them back to
them, when it’s the time. So the first part of this, the first part of your
excellence is the tonality, then you’re going to be looking at the words
that they use as well. We’ll look at words and predicates, I think on
Tuesday. We’ll have a look at predicates, using predicates, and matching
and mirroring predicates. That’s what you’ll begin to do.
Any questions so far on the whole of rapport?
“If you don’t think you’re getting into rapport, how long do you persevere
As long as you can be aware, of what you’re doing.
I mean there was an instance once where, it should be natural anyway, most
of the time it should be natural, it’s just when you haven’t got it is when
you need to switch it on.
There was an instance I got where I was there was a guy on the phone, and
he was asking about an NLP course, and I didn’t think he was serious, so I
just did my “ah well, yeah yeah yeah, it’s fourteen hundred pounds, yeah
yeah” like that. And all of a sudden he said “the other trainer you work
with, he’s much better than you. I don’t think you’re listening to me. I
was going to buy a course from you but I don’t think I will now.”
And I thought “oops” and I woke up, and I thought “actually, he’s serious, he
actually does want to buy a course.” because I thought he was just messing
me about. So I turned on my rapport techniques, and within ten minutes he
said “Well I suppose you’ll need my credit card number now, won’t you.”
That was within about ten minutes, of not having any rapport and him almost
getting off the phone. So, it’s pretty quick. You know, when you’re in a,
when you’re, and it’s about being in their world. If you think, I mean if
you start thinking, I’ve not got rapport here, what shall I do, it probably
means you’re already not over there with them. It means you’re probably
inside with you listening to your own head.
Rapport is about getting over into their world. Being inside their world,
and people feel that. And you have to have the intention as well, this is
not, you know you can’t, although we’re teaching you your physiology, we’re
teaching you about blinking and breathing, they also will feel your energy.
If your energy’s not over with them, they won’t buy it. So you’ve actually
got to have the integrity as well. It’s what comes with this package, is
integrity. They’ll feel it if you don’t have the integrity, also. So you’ve
really got to be over there in their world and want to be over there in
For those people who you don’t want to be in their world, don’t bother. And
then, you know, it’s a choice. Yep.
“A question: how quickly can you do rapport, and could you do it as you
approach a person. So supposing you wanted to build rapport with the
receptionist at this hotel, could you do it from coming in the lobby
walking towards that person?”
“So it could be done quite quickly.”
Energy, first. Your intention, you see. Intention comes before anything. So
this is what we said at the beginning, what we’re looking for from you, as
well, is whenever you’re doing an exercise, is what’s your intention.
What’s your outcome focus. Your intention. So as you walk towards somebody
they’ll actually feel your intention. And the way that you’ve got sensory
acuity and you’re able to feel somebody else, where they are, somebody will
also be able to feel your intention. So if your intention is “I want to
create a good relationship with you” they’ll feel it, and they’ll know.
“And then you’ll just use facial gestures and stuff?”
That might be enough. Intention might be enough. But if it isn’t, yeah,
start using the body language.
All it means is you’re not really in rapport with them, see? It’s you,
being in rapport with them. So you’ve got to find a way so that you can get
in rapport with them. And once you’ve got it, and you’ll get the feeling as
well, then you’ll know that they’re with you on that journey.
To me, it’s a very natural thing.”
I hope you enjoyed our banter and it has brought some light bulb moments to you. Matching, Mirroring and Voice matching will raise your awareness in any situation, whether you do it to gain something or just for the love of rapport!